From the Sidelines
by Lila Mae
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Peter became a Death Eater? People are not born good or evil. It is their choices that make them who they are. Updated
1. Betraying the Order 1980

Disclaimer: All HP characters belong to JK Rowling. I own my shoes.

A/N: Some people go with the "I don't like Peter now, so he must have always been horrible" or "I don't like that rat-faced traitor, so in my story he doesn't exist" but he wasn't always like that. He used to be a marauder, so there must have been something good about him at one point, right? Why did he turn? These are some of the reasons I think he did…

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It's like they don't see me anymore. To them I'll always be chubby, clumsy Peter. I have changed over the years, but they don't notice. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever grow up. They still act like the teenagers they used to be.

            Remus – the patient, shy mysterious guy.

            Sirius – the funny womanizer and prankster at heart.

            James – the athletic popular Head Boy.

            And me, Peter – the awkward, clumsy tagalong.

            We used to so close – brothers – all of us. It seemed like one minute the four of us were planning our next prank on those damn Slytherins, and the next Remus is applying to Universities, Sirius is training to become an auror, and James spends more time with his tongue down Lily's throat than he is on the Quiditch Pitch. Why did things have to change? I never saw it coming.

            The old days were gone like sand through my fingers. The harder I tried to hold on the faster they slipped by.

            All I ever wanted was to fit in, and I did, for a time. It hurt that much worse when it was gone, the feeling that I finally _belonged_.

            But now I belong again, I am accepted, valuable. And I owe it all to my new Master.

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Okay, I know that was short, but it's only a peek into his mind to show his reasoning…  Please review and tell me what you think. Flames will be used to fry mushrooms for lunch…. Yum!


	2. Halloween 1981

Disclaimer: All HP characters belong to JK Rowling. I own my laptop. 

A/N: I haven't done anything with this fic for quite some time. So I read a fortune cookie and got off my lazy ass to continue it a bit.

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October 31st, 1981 (the night Voldemort fed up big time)

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When I joined the Death Eaters I thought that by serving the Dark Lord I could be someone important. I thought I was accepted, valued, and necessary. I thought that I would be seen as an equal among my peers, that I would be respected.

I thought wrong.

Yes, the Dark Lord was powerful, but then again so is Dumbledore. Now look where my _master_ is. Gone – that's where! He's dead, just like Lily. Like James.

Just thinking about it makes me sick, and I have no one to blame but myself. I betrayed them. I sent them to their deaths with a smile and a 'Be a good boy Harry'.

Oh Gods, Harry!

I close my eyes and I can see his happy little baby face cooing at me from my arms. I can almost feel his tiny fist wrapped around my finger. If I listen hard enough I can hear him giggling and calling me 'oops' while the others laugh good-naturedly. I can remember the look on Jamie's face when Harry called Padfoot 'dada'.

Padfoot.

My thoughts are flittering about so quickly. I have to focus. Padfoot's the only person alive who knows the truth. I don't know how I'll ever be able to look him in the eye again. I have to think of something. It's too late to turn back now. Before, my spying was impersonal. But now… now the betrayal is too new – too close for me to try to rationalize it any longer.

I never realized I had everything I ever wanted until I lost it. I had the Marauders and Lily as friends. Never once did they waver in their support. When Harry came along I became 'Uncle Oops'. I had a family, and I didn't even notice. They wriggled their way into my heart, and I repaid their love, kindness, and acceptance with betrayal of the worst kind.

I have become that which we have always hated. They will never forgive me. I don't deserve their forgiveness.

I am irredeemable.

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Me:sigh Thinking like Peter makes my head hurt. He's so pathetic in the books and movies that making him seem human is kinda difficult. 

Peter:Hey!

Ron:She's right, mate. You _are_ pathetic… I mean what kind of person lives like a rat for twelve years?

Peter:I had my moments of coolness!

Me:You bit one of the Malfoy runt's goonies. Big 'Whoop'. looks at reader Why are you still here? Review or something… Geeze!


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